


Lost and Found

by aveyune23



Series: Out of the Wilderness [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romance, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:18:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13338189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aveyune23/pseuds/aveyune23
Summary: Cassian was a lot of things before he met Jyn Erso: dedicated, loyal, brave. But he was all of those for the Rebellion.Now he wants to be all of those things forher.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> It is best to read this story after you read its companion piece “Home,” which is told from Jyn’s point of view. 
> 
> Please enjoy.

I.

The first thing he saw when he woke was a face.

He knew it. Knew the shape, the eyes. Green eyes, he remembered, caught somewhere from the fog in his brain. It was blurry around the edges. His eyes wouldn’t focus.

But he saw her —  _her_ — mouth “hi” to him, and he found enough strength to move his lips and breathe “hello” back before he drifted off into the gentle arms of the fog.

 

* * *

He was more alert when he received a medal for valor.

They had left when the doctors told them to go. He had stared at the heavy disc with an empty feeling in his stomach. He looked to his left and saw that Jyn and Bodhi were also giving their medals odd looks. Jyn was turning hers in her hands, and then she looked up at him, her features drawn tight.

”For Rogue One,” she said, and then dropped the medal on the floor. That felt right, he thought, and pulled his off. When he set it down, he saw that Jyn had stood up and was fixing him with a determined look. He opened his mouth to tell her to sit down, but she took three staggering steps and collapsed on the edge of his bed. She grasped his hand, squeezing it tight. Her eyes were shiny with tears, and she was biting her lip. She was trying not to cry, he thought, and squeezed her hand back.

Bodhi appeared on his other side. Cassian’s breath came short when he saw that the pilot’s right arm was gone, just below the shoulder. But he had taken Cassian’s hand with the one he had left, and held on tight.

”For Rogue One,” they both murmured.

* * *

 

It had been Jyn that pushed their beds together. With the help of Bodhi, they managed to move things around well enough that they could reach each other when they laid down. Cassian was grateful for the contact. He could feel nightmares hiding behind his eyes.

Jyn’s touch kept them away.

 

 

II.

He could hear what they were saying.

_Two months, Captain Andor._

He understood them well enough. Five replaced vertebrae, two months physical therapy, walking with a cane —

But he only had eyes for the woman standing behind the doctor.

Jyn had been discharged from the MedBay. She was free to go.  _Go where?_ he wondered.

Who would keep the nightmares away?

* * *

 

He lost track of time after they boarded the cruiser. They had him on some pretty heavy pain meds, which made him forget things. He slept a lot.

Jyn didn’t come to see him.

She hovered around the edges of his mind, just out of sight. He felt her absence like he felt the pain in his back: a sharp and persistent ache.

He had medicine for his back, but nothing took the pain of missing her away.

* * *

 

She came the day he tried to stand for the first time.

He’d almost fallen over, just from the sheer joy he felt at seeing her face. She had rushed forward, trying to catch him, but the doctor was already there. He regained his footing, and he knew that he was probably grinning like an idiot, but she was smiling back, and he felt like he could run.

* * *

 

She came every day after that. She was there for every therapy session that the doctors would allow her to. She brought him food —  _real_ food, not the MedBay shit — and snuck it to him when the doctors weren’t looking. Bodhi came too, after he had been given his new arm. They were Cassian’s lifelines. When they were gone, the doctors gave him his pain meds, and he would drift back and forth between consciousness and sleep. But when they were there, he was awake, lucid. He lived on their smiles, on their stories.

He was able to keep better track of the days. He felt stronger. He was progressing through his physical therapy faster than the doctors thought he would.

He didn’t tell them that it was because he was determined to walk out of his room with Jyn, holding onto her not for support, but just because he wanted to hold her hand.

 

 

III.

Jyn had been frowning when she told him that they had made it to the new Base. When he asked her why she looked so upset about it, she had simply responded “It’s cold,” and left it at that.

He discovered what she meant when they wheeled him off the ship.

It  _was_ cold, because the entire planet was covered in snow.

There had been a split second of pain — he hadn’t seen snow since he was a child, on Fest. He thought for a moment that he would hate it, that he would feel resentment or bitterness. He thought that being surrounded by that frigid whiteness would bring back too many painful memories, ones that he had buried away.

But then he saw it — crisp, pure,  _blinding_ — and he had grinned like a child.

They didn’t let him enjoy it, though. They wheeled him straight to the MedBay, which looked the same as the MedBay on the cruiser, except in this one the walls were white instead of grey durasteel.  _Soon,_ they told him, when he asked when he’d be discharged.  _Let’s get you walking farther than 5 yards first._

Well if that’s what it took, he thought, he’d be walking 20 before the week was out.

* * *

 

They deemed him fit to walk on his own two weeks later. They had assigned him a room in the officers quarters, and Jyn had been checking in on him, to make sure that he had everything he needed to get settled.

”I want to go outside,” he told her. She had fixed him with a hard look and promptly told him no.

”It’s too cold. You’ll freeze to death.”

He rolled his eyes. “Jyn, I was  _born_ in this weather.”

She had stared at him, looking like she was ready to slap him.

”Well you can’t go by yourself, and I don’t want to freeze.”

He smirked, thinking that  _he_ could keep her warm, then shook the idea from his head.

”I’m cleared to do whatever I want,” he said, trying to act like he wasn’t now thinking about  _how_ he could keep her warm. He had a few ideas...

”You don’t have to come with me,” he finished, even though he really did want her to.

”Cassian,” she growled, her brows drawing together.

”Jyn,” he replied, beginning to enjoy the argument. He liked seeing her...  _protective._ When she glared at him, he laughed.

”Have you ever even seen snow?”

”Yes,” she grumbled, looking down at her fingernails. “When we got here. I don’t like it.”

He laughed again, unable to help himself. She was trying so hard to keep him from going out, and he was almost sorry that she was failing miserably. He reached for his parka and pulled it on, back twinging as he settled it on his shoulders. He missed her bite her lip.

”Come on, Jyn,” he teased. He was probably enjoying this too much, but she did that to him — made him want to tease her, irritate her, just to see her smile. Anything to see her smile.

”Don’t make me go by myself,” he continued. “What if I fall?”

She frowned at him, clearly frustrated. She looked like she was going to throw something at him.

”No,” she insisted, and he threw up his hands.

”Fine. You stay.” He grabbed his cane and zipped up his coat. “But I haven’t seen snow in twenty years, so I’m going, with or without you.”

And he walked out the door, knowing full well that despite her furious mutterings, she would follow. __

 

 

* * *

He hadn’t realized how much he had missed snow until it was crunching under his boots.

It wasn’t like Fest. The snow on Fest had been dirty, rocky. This...

He looked out at the frozen landscape, mountains almost glowing from the light of the full moons, and thought  _this is beautiful._

He looked down, expecting to find Jyn, but she was still behind him, trudging through the snow that came almost to her calves. She was so  _small,_ he thought. He had only sunk to his ankles. He grinned at her. She was drowning in a too-big coat, and the only part of her face that was showing was her eyes, which were currently glaring daggers at him.

”What?” he heard her grumble through the scarf that covered the lower half of her face.

”It’s not that cold,” he said, leaning on his cane. It sunk into the snow, and he was grateful that she moved closer, because it gave him an excuse to lean on her instead.

”It is, too,” she muttered, but she moved closer so that they were pressed together down the lengths of their bodies.

He looked out at the scene in front of him, took in the mountains, the sky — but he found himself looking down at her instead, and he watched her eyes widen and shine in the light of the stars and moon and snow.

She looked beautiful. He wanted to tell her, but he didn’t know how.

She turned and looked up at him, pulling down her scarf so that she could say something, but when she saw that he was looking at her, her cheeks flooded red.

”What?”

He was tongue-tied for a second, feeling slightly embarrassed that she had caught him looking at her, but then he relaxed, and gave her a shy smile.

”Do you like it?”

Her eyes widened, and her cheeks turned redder. “I—“

She looked down at her feet, and pressed herself closer to him. Her gloved hand came up and rested on his chest. He tightened his arm around her, pulling her closer. She ducked her head, hiding her face from him.

”It’s beautiful,” he heard her say, and he sighed.

”It’s not quite like—“ How could he tell her? How could he even begin to talk about the start of his life, when it felt like millennia ago? How could he express to her all of the pain that had occurred on his home world, and how he had forced it from his mind? How?

He shifted, uneasy, unsure, but went on, saying all he could. “It’s not quite like Fest. The snow is the same, but this is... cleaner.” He choked back a lump in his throat.

She didn’t say anything, just pressed closer. He was grateful for her warmth. It  _was_ cold.

They didn’t speak for a while. He looked up at the sky, in awe of the multitude of stars. He didn’t think he had ever been on a planet so stark and yet so beautiful. It was peaceful, in that way that only snow can be. He was content to stay there, but Jyn had begun shivering, and he stepped away from her.

”Come on. Let’s get back inside.”

She nodded, and he abandoned his cane, choosing to lean on her instead. He didn’t want to leave. Out there in the vast snowscape, it felt like they were the only two people alive. He wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as he could.

He stopped them just short of the door. When she looked up at him, about to ask what was wrong, he pressed his lips to her forehead. She gasped, and her cheeks were red from more than just the cold. He gave her a small smile.

”Thank you,” she said, her teeth starting to chatter, “for showing me the snow.”

He reached out and took her hand, giving it a squeeze.

It was warmer inside, but not as warm as the feeling he had felt out there in the moonlight, when he had held her in his arms.

 

 

IV.

To say that he was unhappy when Jyn told him about her first mission was an understatement.

They were sending her out alone — well, not alone, but  _without him._

But he had kept his face passive when he told her —  _lied_ — that he was happy for her.

”That’s great,” he said, thinking that it was most certainly  _not_ great.

She had stared at him, uneasy, and he had stared at the floor, unsure of what else to say.

”I leave tomorrow,” she said, but he still didn’t look up.

”Will you see me off?” she asked, and there was a note of desperation in her voice that made his stomach twist into a knot. He finally looked up at her.

”Of course.”

She smiled, and his heart did that funny flipping thing it had started doing when he saw her smile. It always made him smile, too.

A silence passed. That was happening a lot. After a moment she shrugged a shoulder.

”I leave at 0800,” she said, turning to leave. “Hangar 2.”

He wished she wouldn’t go, but didn’t try to make her stay. “I’ll be there.”

* * *

 

He was running late.

He knew he was running late, but the droid at the supply depot was being slow as shit, and no matter how hard Cassian glared at it, it wouldn’t go any faster.

”Hurry up!” he snapped at one point, but the droid had whirred its servos at him in admonishment, and Cassian had shut up. He picked up drumming his fingers on the counter instead.

”Maybe you’d like to do it yourself?” the droid quipped.

Cassian mumbled under his breath that he probably could have, if he’d been allowed to. But commlinks were Alliance-issued, and he’d already had to pull a few strings just to get his hands on two of them. Getting them modified was a whole other fiasco, but he’d gotten the droid to agree to it, and that kept it under an “Alliance sanctioned” umbrella.

But as the clock ticked, Cassian was ready to bash the droid over the head and finish the job en route to the hangar.

Finally —  _finally!_ — the droid handed over the commlinks, and Cassian took off through the bunker in such a hurry that he left his cane at the depot.

* * *

 

He barely made it in time.

Jyn was climbing into the ship, about to close the door, and he shouted her name.

She spun, and when she saw him her face had lit up so bright that he felt the warmth from it halfway across the hangar. She leapt from the ship and came running to meet him.

”I thought you wouldn’t come—“ she began.

”I came as fast as I could—“ he started.

They clamped their mouths shut. She gave him a shy smile. He gave her one back.

”I’m sorry. I meant to be here sooner, but—“

”It doesn’t matter,” she interrupted. Her smile grew. “I’m glad you came.”

His heart was pounding. He wondered if she could hear it.

”I wanted to give you this,” he said, and held out his hand. She held out hers, and he pressed the commlink into her hand, and closed her fingers around it. She pulled her hand back and held it close to her chest.

”It’s long range,” he began to ramble. “You’ll be able to reach Echo Base with it, if you wanted to—“ He cut himself off, feeling like an idiot, and shrugged.

A smile quirked up the corners of her mouth. “I won’t be gone long,” she said. Cassian took a deep breath. She was teasing him!

”I know. But if you — just let me know. That you’re safe, I mean.” He felt like a  _massive_ idiot.

But he looked up in time to see her blush, and that made him feel a bit  _less_ like an idiot.

Someone called her name from the ship. Jyn turned and waved at her, then turned back to him. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off by pulling her forward and wrapping his arms around her.

”Come home safe,” he murmured, breathing in the scent of her hair as it brushed his cheek. Her hands gripped the front of his jacket, and he could feel her breath, warm on his chest.

”I will,” she whispered.

”Jyn! Let’s go!”

Cassian didn’t want to, but he stepped back, letting his arms fall to his sides. She was looking up at him, green eyes wide, and her hair had fallen across her forehead. He couldn’t help it — he reached out, hesitated only briefly, and tucked it behind her ear. Her eyes fluttered shut, and his heart flipped.

”I have to go,” she breathed, looking very much like she didn’t want to. He took a deep breath and stepped away, nodding.

”I’ll call you,” she said as she turned to go.

He felt himself grin.

”Looking forward to it.”

* * *

 

It was the middle of the night when she commed.

It didn’t matter — he had been up, waiting.

Her voice came through as static before clearing up.

”Cassian?”

He snatched the commlink off the nightstand and pressed the transmitter button. “Jyn? How’d it go?”

”Good,” she said, and he released his held breath. “We’re loaded up and heading back to Base.”

He sighed. “Good. When will you be back?” He tried not to sound too eager, but he was impatient for her to come home.

”We should be home by dawn Hoth-time.”

”Good.”

There was a long silence, filled with the static of the comms. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, to hear her voice, but then she came through on the comm, her voice in a whisper.

”I miss you,” she said.

His heart sped up. A slow, stupid grin split his face. It took him a minute to gather himself before he could respond. She  _missed_ him.

”I miss you, too.”

Static. And then her voice again, sounding happier, almost giddy.

”I’ll see you tomorrow?”

He wiped a hand over his face, but his grin wouldn’t go away.

”I’ll be waiting.”

* * *

 

And he did wait. Anxiously.

He listened to the Comm tower, knew when her ship would pull into the hangar, and when it landed, he got as close to it as he could, and waited.

The door slid open, and Jyn stepped out, her eyes scanning — and when they found him, her expression changed, and she jumped from the ship and ran to him. She  _ran._

He met her halfway and caught her, holding her so tight that he lifted her from the ground. His back would thank him for that later, but he didn’t care. She was laughing, and it was the greatest sound in the world.

He set her down and pulled away far enough to be able to see her face. She was blushing, her whole face bright red, but she was grinning, too. He felt like his heart would explode.

”Welcome home,” he told her, and he meant every word.

 

 

V.

He could kiss her for hours.

And maybe he did. It was easy to lose track of time, he discovered, when he was holding her. They could have been standing in that hallway for a few minutes, or for a few days, and it never would have felt long enough.

* * *

 

He learned her favorite color. 

(It was green.)

He learned that she liked to stand in the rain.

She told him new things, small things, things he never would have been able to add to her file. And he accepted each one as though it were a gift.

He gave her gifts in return. Small details of his life, the things that didn’t sting too much to tell. She didn’t pry, just held his hand. Her touch made it easier.

Their touches had been hesitant at first, careful, as though they were afraid that sudden movements would scare the other one off.

He kissed her as often as she would let him, which was a lot. 

He kissed her tears away when she brought up Scarif.

”We have to live for them,” he told her.

* * *

 

Two weeks after he’d been cleared for light duty (“fucking  _desk_ duty,” he’d snapped), Jyn came to his room to show him something.

”I have a surprise,” she’d said on the comm.

He wasn’t a big fan of surprises — most spies weren’t — but it was Jyn, so it was probably something relatively benign.

It was not.

He stared at the Intelligence Division insignia on her vest, then at her, and then back at her vest.

”I’m not letting you go out there alone,” she told him. As much as the thought warmed his heart, he still frowned at her.

”No,” he said. “I can’t ask you to—“

”You’re not,” she interjected. “I’m telling you.” And then she stood on her toes and kissed him, and quipped, “And you can’t change my mind.”

He didn’t argue further.

* * *

 

He woke with a scream caught in his throat. He was sweating, panting, trying to adjust to reality. He was in his room on Echo Base. Not atop a comm tower on Scarif.

He tried to go back to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he saw her again, lying on the grating at the top of the tower, her eyes sightless. He hadn’t made it in time —

He reached out to the nightstand, fumbling for the commlink. He had to see her, had to know that she was okay.

And she hadn’t hesitated.

She was at his door less than 10 minutes later, breathing heavily as though she’d run the whole way there. She came inside and gathered him in her arms, brushed the hair from his eyes, murmured softly into his ear that he was safe, that they were both safe. And he had stared at her, touched her face, convinced himself that she was real, and alive, and  _here._

She had led him to bed, toed off her boots and tucked herself in next to him, and he slept through the night.

When he woke the next morning, she was still there.

He had frozen at first, thinking he was dreaming, but then she had turned to him and opened her eyes, and he was overcome for the billionth time by how beautiful she was.

”Morning,” she had whispered.

And he responded by kissing her. He could get used to that, waking up and kissing her as she lay next to him. She was delightfully warm, and soft, and so close...

Eventually they decided that she should probably go back to the barracks. She was fixing her hair when he stopped to think about how she was going to leave without getting caught. She had stared at the door, and shrugged.

They would just have to risk it.

But the hallway was abandoned. They could hear shouting coming from the direction of the hangars, and Cassian had grinned.

”Lucky us. Solo pissed off the Princess again.”

She had laughed, and reached up to kiss him. As she turned to leave, he caught her hand.

”Will you come back tonight?”

And she had squeezed his hand, and kissed him again, and murmured “yes” against his lips.

Watching her walk away, he felt like he had found something he hadn’t known he was looking for. He’d given his entire life to the Rebellion, to the cause, and in all that time he had never stopped to examine the parts of him that were being chipped away, or broken, or lost. But waking up next to her, he had felt like the broken pieces were less sharp, and the lost things were beginning to return.

He felt  _whole_ again.

She turned the corner, and he smiled.

He’d told her “welcome home,” but he hadn’t known that he’d come home, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are never expected but always appreciated.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @kotaface for previews of future chapters, tiny drabbles, or just to chat!


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